A new meme!!! An this one is on marriage – one of my favorite subjects! Of course, it helps that I’m married to the greatest guy in the universe.
So, I asked this greatest guy what I should write about that makes our marriage work. He said, “You know, ‘that’”. I reminded him that my brother thought that my Facebook entry about shaving my legs was TMI, so I thought that posting about “that” might be a little much for my poor family. So, on to a more family-friendly topic.
Actually, today Sheila wants us to discuss complaining. At her site, she talks about complaining to our husbands and how we can communicate more appropriately with them. I want to discuss complaining “about” our husbands.
It seems that one of married women’s favorite sports is husband bashing. We love to get together and talk about how terrible our husbands are – how they can’t clean properly, can’t take care of the kids, can’t do this or that. Quite frankly, I’ve never really understood this. I often wanted to ask, “If he’s such a bum, why did you marry him?” What is even worse about complaining about our husbands when we are with a bunch of girlfriends is complaining about our husbands right in front of them. And, yes, it does happen.
What is the problem here? What if it is all in fun? Everything we say about our husbands affects them. When we tell other people how incompetent they are, they feel incompetent. We may thing it’s just a little joke, but they are likely to feel the seed of reality that is in there. And it affects us. When we complain about our hubbies, we are reinforcing our own beliefs about them. If we say negative things about them, it is because we are thinking negatively about them.
1 Corinthians 13 tells us that love is kind, is not rude, and keeps no record of wrongs. When we complain, we aren’t being loving. Ephesians 4:29 says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Wow. That’s an indictment of complaining about anyone or anything if I ever heard one. Finally, James 3 tells us of the importance of taming our tongue because of the damage we can do with it.
Complaining, though, starts in our heart. If I am going to build up my husband when I talk to other people, it will start by thinking about the good things about him. I need to constantly be in prayer, thanking God for my husband and asking Him to show me where I am being ungrateful. When I have problems with my husband (because he’s certainly not perfect, either), those need to be dealt with here at home or with trusted friends, not complained about to everyone else in town. So, can we all start today to build up our husbands and show them we love them with our words to them and to others?
Check out Sheila’s blog at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum for more great posts.