So Tired . . .

I’m so tired.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I guess I’m doing a little venting here, but it’s not angry venting, just tired venting.

Today’s migraine just wore me down.  I woke up at 5 and took meds then went back to bed till 10am.  I was up till noon, but then was so sleepy that I went back to bed till 4pm.  I was up for another hour but then went back to bed till 8pm.  Now it’s 12:25am and I’m awake, but exhausted.  Not sleepy, but exhausted.  Usually, I have a hard time sleeping with a migraine, but I guess I was very fortunate today.

Right now, though, I just feel so completely dragged out in my spirit.  Like it’s hard to even think.  PWM, Rosie Girl and I watched “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” tonight which was good to make me laugh.  Since then, I’ve had dinner (at 11pm!) and been listening to audiobooks and knitting.  I’ve been reading a couple of great books, but my brain is too scattered right now to be able to listen to them.  Maybe tomorrow.

Yesterday, our pastor preached on perseverance.  You can listen to it here.  I think I could have written that sermon for him!  Yet, I needed to hear it.  Because I have to persevere today.  In fact, he did some of his sermon “research” by asking on Facebook how we as Christians persevere.  Here’s what I wrote:

Pray without ceasing. When you can't go on anymore, pray. When you're having a good day, pray. When you're having a bad day, pray. When you can't pray, pray the Lord's Prayer or another pre-written prayer. When you can't do that, call a friend and pray with them or ask them to pray for you. Walk around the block and pray. Do the dishes and pray. You get the picture. In everything, pray!

I really believe that and tonight I really need it.  I’ve started tonight with my prayer beads, but I’ll probably move on to more conversational prayer later.  I need Jesus to help me find that place of knowing that I’m loved and being able to know that this life isn’t all there is.  I need to remember that the superficial things of life are just that – superficial.  My spiritual life is what matters, not whether or not the dining room is painted (yes, I’m obsessing a little – or a lot).  The stuff on the surface – how I look, how my house looks, what activities I’m involved in, etc – is the fluff of life.  My relationship with Jesus is core and how if affects my relationship with others is the next most important thing in life.

Besides, it is this perseverance that produces maturity, character, and hope in a Christian.  And isn’t that more important than a blue dining room?

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Romans 4:2b-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  James 1:2-4

It’s almost 1am.  I’m going to pray some more (and you are more than welcome to pray for/with me).  I’m praying not only for myself, but so many friends and family with physical and spiritual needs and I want to sit and listen to what Jesus has to say.  And I’ll get up and keep going tomorrow.  I’ll persevere.  Because of Christ in me, “the hope of glory”.  I pray that you can say the same thing.