Going to Sunday morning church service is hard for me sometimes. OK, a lot of times. It’s not the worship, fellowship, or music that’s hard. It’s the logistics. And the timing. And just life.
I know the importance of being part of the local church. I was so thrilled to be present last week when we had communion. I love worshiping through music, and it’s especially cool to when PWM and Wild Man are helping to lead with the worship team. But being there on Sunday morning only happens about half to two-thirds of the time these days.
I have a hard time being up and moving by 10am on a good day. I’m more of a night owl. When I was healthy and working, this wasn’t a big deal. I was at work by 7 or 8, so I could be up and at church whatever time I needed to be. That’s not so easy anymore. This morning, I was up at 6am, but with a headache, neck pain and hip pain. It’s a really slow morning – even if I don’t crawl back into bed for another hour or two. Thankfully, we have a service in the evening, so I can go then if my day perks up. And that often works well for me.
My other “church” issues are really just my own. I get up and get dressed and go and then my headache gets bad in the middle of church and I have to leave. The headache would probably have started at the same time if I had stayed home, but it doesn’t always feel that way. And I feel very obvious when I get up and leave a church service. That’s not logical. Why should the rest of the world notice when I slip out quietly? I’m pretty sure this is all in my own head.
The before and after church crowd noise is also hard on my headache, so I don’t tend to hang around and “fellowship” (aka chat) much these days. I do better in smaller groups. This really frustrates me sometimes because I still have some “extrovertness” at my core. I like being around people and I used to love throwing parties. Not so much these days. I tend to go to church service and then go home.
This doesn’t mean I’ve given up on church or faith or God. It just means that I don’t get to Sunday morning worship services every week. I’m still part of the local body of Christ, and have plenty of ways to interact with my friends and fellow believers. It’s just not always Sunday mornings. And I need to get over my issues with the fact that American Evangelical culture has made Sunday morning a big deal. Because I am still walking with Jesus and other Christians even when I feel rotten on mornings like today.