Monday, July 26, 2010

Talking to the Cat (Silver)


Silver jumped on my lap today in the millisecond that it wasn’t filled with knitting or a book.  I started to pet her and we had an “interesting” conversation.

Me: “Oh, my sweet Silver, do you wuv to be petted behind the ears?!”

Silver: “Woman, there is no need to use baby talk.  I’m 9 years old, which means I’m like 120 in human years, so I could be your grandmother!  (By the way, can you scratch a little more down by the chin?!)”

Me: “Fine.  Be that way.  But, remember that I buy your food, so watch the attitude.  Oh, and you’re purring.”

Silver: “Yeah, yeah, I’m purring.  I can’t help it.  Don’t start to think I’m weak or anything.  By the way, you’ve been slacking on the cat petting lately.  What’s that all about?”

Me: “Oh, Silver!  You know I love you!  I was knitting a pair of socks, and now I’m almost done with Mom’s sweater, and I have about a zillion books that I desperately want to read.  My lap is rarely empty.”

Silver: “And the problem is  . . .   You seem to have forgotten that I’m the center of the universe.”

Me: “Um, yeah, right.  Well, Miss Center of the Universe, do you think you could limit the shedding a bit.  This black skirt is quickly turning gray.”

Silver: “Hey, shedding is what I do.  I eat, sleep, use the litter box, sleep, and shed.  Well, and wait for the silly humans to get around to petting me.  (Oooo, a little to the left . . . perfect).”

Me: “Don’t forget tormenting the other cats.  You do that a fair amount.  And created quite the hassle a few weeks ago.”

Silver: “Not my fault.  (Oh, scratch right behind the right ear, yep, got it.)  Anyway, it was the crazy cat from “outside” that tried to start something with me and Sassy.  And then Sassy got freaked out which freaked me out . . . “

Me: “Which led to the two of you trying to kill each other and destroy the house.  Yes, I recall.  And Sophie wouldn’t come out of Rosie Girl’s room for several hours.  You two really got into it.”

Silver: “But, we got through it.  A few days of separation, a little canned cat food, and some good petting from the lady that came to feed us when you were gone.  I like her – can she come again.  She’s not too busy for cat-petting.”

Me: “Oh, hush.  You’re getting plenty of love right now.  And, you know, it almost sounds like you planned that little “outside kittie” attack.  You know, just to get canned food and a room to yourself for a while.

Silver: “Me, never!!  Perish the thought!  (Scratch just under my neck a little – there, perfect)  Although, I do know where the canned cat food is kept now.”

Me: “Silly cat!  And I even caught you drinking milk out of Wild Man’s cup that he left on the table the other day.”

Silver: “Well, the table is kitty territory.  Leave a glass of milk there and I can’t be responsible for the outcome.”

Me: “It’s sure a good thing you’re cute.  And I really need to find the cat brush.  You are quite the prodigious shedder.”

Silver: “Gotta be good at something in life.  Shedding and napping.  That’s what I do.  Now let me climb up to your neck – just to prove that I’m the dominant creature here.”

Me: “I think not.  My clothes are already gray from your fur.  And the phone is ringing, so off you go.  Try to find another sucker to give you as much love and affection as I do!”


(Note: this may not be a completely accurate transcription of the conversation, considering  that I’m writing it at 1:40am.  Nonetheless, it is an accurate reflection of the attitudes of both human and cat!)

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