Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Emotions – They’re a Good Thing, Right?

Last night, I finished a sock I was knitting, only to realize that it’s actually the right size for a child, not the adult for whom I was knitting.  I got very angry and threw the sock across the room.  Wow.  The rush of emotions that overcame me was completely unexpected.

For one thing, I think the Topamax I had been taking had also been keeping my moods pretty even.  (Lots of anti-seizure medications can also be used as mood stabilizers.)  For another thing, I don’t believe in anger and other negative emotions.  Well, at least, I didn’t.  Yes, that’s another thing my counselor has been helping me with.

I don’t like strong negative emotions.  They lead to yelling, screaming, and throwing things – like the sock.  In my control-freakness, I tried to suppress these kinds of emotions so that I didn’t even feel them.  I “knew” that it was OK to feel anger but that we should be able to feel and express it without hurting other people.  But, I didn’t actually “know” it deep down.  So, instead of expressing anger appropriately, I suppressed it completely.

Now that the Topamax is out of my system, I get to have more practice with having strong emotions and expressing them appropriately.   BTW, I generally don’t approve of throwing things, but it was a sock and I was the only one still up.

The Bible tells us not to sin when we get angry, but allows for anger.  God got angry with Israel quite a few times.  Jesus was angry with the money-changers in the temple.  It’s OK to be angry, even with people.  And it’s OK to raise my voice if I need to get someone’s attention.

Not being a perfectionist and control-freak is a lot of work.

1 comment:

See Jamie blog said...

I'm just impressed that you actually know how to knit; that's been on my learn-to-do-one-of-these-days lists for a long time.

Sounds like things are going in the right direction, and I don't think anyone was ever harmed by the throwing of a sock. (hugs)