The last time I asked this question on the blog, I was having a little fun with coming up with titles for me in The Knitting Nest. (By the way, PWM and are thinking seriously that he should be the “Yarn Rock Star” and I’ll be the “Yarn Groupie”!) Today, I’m considering it from a more serious perspective. You’d think that by the age of 44, I’d have this whole “Who am I?” thing sorted out, but it is more complex than it looks on the outside.
I found out today that some friends of ours from when I was in medical school have founded a medical ministry in a third-world country. Which it totally amazing and wonderful!! But it made me feel a little uneasy and almost sad.
You see, I’ve always wanted to “make an impact” or “change the world” for God through medicine. I went to Tulane medical school because it’s an excellent medical school, little thinking that I might end up as a family doctor in a small town. I worked for ten years as a physician. And then, five years ago, I had to quit working because of migraines. My counselor and I have been working through the issue of getting my self-worth from being a child of God instead from doing lots of good things for God. When I couldn’t practice medicine anymore, my world was rocked pretty hard. It’s not just that I had spent so long training to become a doctor, but because I saw medicine as my ministry. And, even more, I saw it as my way to be a “good Christian”. So I’m kind of jealous to see my colleagues doing such “great things for God”.
I came across this article by Skye Jethani today and it’s saying a lot that I need to hear. God wants us to live with Him and be with Him, not just do things for Him. God may, indeed, call us to work in cross-cultural missions, but He might just think that it’s more important to have a couple of people open a yarn shop in a small town. I’m learning to understand that God loves me because He created me, not because of anything that I do. And I’m being reminded that my calling in a small town in Wisconsin is just as important in God’s plan as my friends’ calling in a third-world country.
Read Skye Jethani’s article. He says it much better than I can.