Also known as John 16:33 “In this world you will have trouble, but, take heart, I have overcome the world.”
I haven’t written much lately. You might have noticed. Or not. But that’s OK, since I don’t write this blog to get rich or famous. But, lest you think that I haven’t been writing because I’ve been out getting rich and famous elsewhere, let me disabuse you of that notion. I have not.
In fact, the beginning of 2012 has been pretty icky.
I’ve had a headache pretty much all the time. How is that different from usual, you may ask? Ummmm, it’s not really. It’s just that for some reason, in January 2012, my mind and body have decided to stage a full-scale rebellion. The all-the-time headache has been worse.
And I’ve been more depressed. The cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat kind of depressed. (Although why people would drop hats is kind of beyond me . . . ) And sit in my rocking chair and stare at nothing kind of depressed.
All of this while I’ve been on medication for depression. Because people with chronic pain tend to get depressed – big surprise.
I emailed (I love technology) my doctor to ask about increasing my dose of citalopram like we did last winter, but it turns out that the FDA has decided sometime in the last year that we shouldn’t go above my current dose of citalopram. Bummer. But, my doctor and I were already talking about changing from cyclobenzaprine to amitryptilyne (I have no clue if that is spelled right – and I used to be such a spelling psycho) because of my insurance company. When all was said and done, I stayed on the citalopram dose and started the unspellable medication and stopped the cyclobenzaprine.
Did anything get better? Does life still suck?
My head still hurts, but my mood seems to be a bit better and I don’t cry nearly as much. In fact, we went on a family outing to MagiQuest (more on that in another post) on Monday and I even had fun!
But, I had two wicked awful migraines this week, both of which would have usually sent me to the ER for medications. I have figured out, though, how to use my home medications and hang on through the migraine to avoid the trips to the ER, which aren’t fun anyway.
So, life still sucks . . . . so how do I know that God is good?
I ask myself that sometimes. As I’m leaning over the bucket vomiting (lovely image, I know), I ask where is Jesus? What is the point?
And a lot of times, I just don’t know. All I know is that Jesus said “Take heart, I have overcome the world.”
But other times, I see glimpses of Jesus in my sweet children and husband. I watch the snowfall and thank God for His creation.
But mostly I just hang on to the fact that I know that God is good and that He loves me.