It's been almost ten years since I've worked as a family doctor. Ten years of chronic migraine.
I was reading a book today about what are the seeds God put in me to sprout. What is it that God has given me that I will never retire from? What is that thing that God put me on Earth to do?
I thought that was medicine. Not every day working was a great day, but, overall, I loved my career. I delivered babies. I did pediatrics. I saw adults and took care of acute medical problems as well as managing chronic medical issues. And I had nursing home patients.
But, then came the acute migraines. Which morphed into chronic migraine. And added chronic daily headache on top of that.
Between my pain and my medications, I can't practice medicine. And I really miss it. Really miss it.
According to my counselor, the grief won't ever really go away; it just changes. Hopefully, I'm into the acceptance stage of it now. But, it still hurts.
Grieving the loss of my career doesn't mean that I can't appreciate what I do have. I have an amazingly supportive family that has made adjustments as needed over these last ten years. I'm fortunate to have had a good employer so that I have good long-term disability insurance. I have a good neurologist, so my pain is under better control. And a family doctor and counselor who manage my depression.
And, when all is said and done, I know that God loves me and his grace is supporting me. John 6:33 "In this world you will have trouble. But, take heart, I have overcome the world."
So, I take heart.