I have been reading a wonderful blog called "Making Home" at http://http://www.makinghome.blogspot.com/. She has been writing recently about women and friendship - I find her comments insighful and important.
I developed the best friendship of my life in college with D. She and I lived together for three years in the dorms at LSU. We had a blast! But, we also came to love each other dearly. We have led very different lives, though. She got married right after college and is a stay at home mom to four boys in the suburbs. I am a former physician who is staying at home with my two kids in a very small town. But, I got to go visit D for her fortieth birthday this year. What a special time that was! We got to reminisce, share stories about our kids, and just "hang out". We still just chat when we get a chance.
After college, I had several good friends in medical school, but not close ones like D. I got married after my second year of medical school, and Mr. Math Teacher and I became friends with several couples, but I wasn't particularly close with any other women. The same was true in residency. In large part, I just didn't have time. There are only so many hours in the day, and I was working most of them! The rest of my time was spent with my husband.
In the time since residency, though, I have developed some friendships with other women, and have been much better because of it. Generally, it has been pretty informal. My best friend, S, became my friend because I helped her take care of her kids when she was sick. Since then, our friendship has deepened and we have shared lots of good and bad things together. At one point, I was also leading a small group for women who were hurting. It was a nice, safe place for us to share our struggles and to study what the Bible had to say.
Right now, I have several close friends - and I cherish them all. A few weeks ago, Mr. Math Teacher and I wanted to go to the big city to visit a friend in the hospital. I called S the night before and asked if she could keep our kids for the next day, and she said "yes". I'm sure it was a little inconvenient for her, but she didn't hesitate at all. We have kept various combinations of her kids over here when she would go out of town for a weekend. Another friend asked us to keep her son for the week so she and her husband (one of our pastors) could go to a conference. I can call either of these women (as well as several others) if I need to talk, vent, or need a favor.
Most of these friendships have not developed out of formal events, but just out of living life. I have some friends that I got to know first through church, others through homeschooling, and others through working. My one concern right now is that I don't have any older women friends who can act as a mentor for me. Titus 2:3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. As women, we should have older women who can help us through our struggles while we help the younger women. So, while I'm not out recruiting, I am looking for a woman older than myself to be a different kind of friend - someone to walk with me through this middle age part of life.
1 comment:
I can totally relate to developing friendships just from living day to day. I have a few friends who I can call on no matter what and they'll be there for me. These are rare treasures indeed! One friend who C and I both can call on is an older woman at our church---I'll call her N. We helped her with teaching 3 year olds in Sunday School last year. Since October of this past year, we were asked to direct a 4 year olds Sunday School class which we agreed to. It meant we were leaving N and her class which we had become comfortable with. But of course God had other plans for us and after taking on this new Sunday School class, we understood why. Anyway, we still have a great relationship with N. She was there for us when C had his neck/back surgery. She came and watched E until my parents got here several hours later. And she's always asking about us and praying for us. She told my parents that she's here for us since she knows we don't have family near by. We're so blessed to have her as a friend, to rely on and mentor us. She's the same age as our parents so she's been through alot of what we're going through. We had no idea when we agreed to teach Sunday School that God would bless us so much but He has! Pray specifically about a mentor and He will provide!
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